From Russia With Love

"Shukhov looked hopefully out of the corner of an eye at the milk-white tube-- if it had shown -41℉ they ought not to be sent out to work. But today it was nowhere near -41... The temperature out there was -17℉; Shukhov's temperature was +99℉. The fight was on..."

-- Alexander Solzhenitsyn, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich


The cold snap-- if that is what you want to call it-- has abated slightly over the city of Chicago. The current temperature is 21℉, and the windchill is, to me, unknown (I don't feel like looking it up). However, if it is possible, and at all not TOO uncomfortable for those who read this (though I don't much care if you stop reading here, the above quote by A.S. is probably the backbone of this whole post), then I won't further detain from telling you that the lowest temperature this past week was -16℉, and, with an added windchill of -26℉, made a record breaking (for Chicago, at least) temperature of -42℉. A nickname, and in my opinion a rather presumptuous one, has been bestowed on this city: "Chi-beria".


Wow... Clever.


Ok people, let's just assume that we are suffering more than the rest of the winterstill places in the world, and christen ourselves with a name that disrespects not only one of the most unforgivingly cold places in the world, but let us do so with the pansy-ass intent of trying to garner sympathy from cold places like Sibera. I don't think so.


"Average January Temperatures in Yakutsk, located in eastern-central Siberia, hover near -38 degrees Fahrenheit while the average in Verhojansk in north-central Siberia is an even colder -47 degrees."1

Nice try, Chicagoans.

Let me pause here briefly, to assure my readers who might have taken offense to that harshness of my tone as reflected in the above remarks, that the vengeance in my tone does NOT end here. So again, stop reading if you've had enough.


Granted, I'm not saying that the "cold snap" that hit Chicago like a brutal punch to the gut "wasn't that bad", or "could have been worse". Yes, it was cold. Really cold.


BUT. Come on! In this day and age of technology-- in the world that we so egotistically call our oyster, we still complain a lot. Or maybe it's just that social networking has given us the biggest soapbox in the world from which to vent our absurd disquisitions. Sheesh. Go buy a coat and some long johns.


That being said, I have to admit that I did somewhat rely on the squeamish attitude of the 21st Century Corporate American, or rather, of the corporate administration of the Moody Bible Institute, to follow precedent with everyone else in Chicago and cancel school. But no. The professors who commute an hour or so from the suburbs and walk the half-mile or so to campus from the train stations still dutifully ambled through the bitter winds and down the frozen avenues to come to school. Hooah! Cheers to them.


My conclusion: "It's a Communist Plot!" This statement, borrowed from a favorite professor of mine, perfectly describes my feelings towards Mother Moody. If Shukhov could bank on a break from routine if the cold hit -41 degrees, why couldn't I? Is that too much to ask?


*Sigh*... The ramblings of a poor, powerless man mean nothing to the administration and State that he serves.



************************************************************************


In retrospect: If Ivan Shukhov Denisovich, prisoner in a Communist Gulag, had to go trudging out into the Siberian Taiga to labor for an oppressive regime, I suppose my only choice in this matter is to shake my fist at Mother, wrap myself in another scarf and get my wimpy ass to school.


And guess what: I do hope the cold snaps come back (don't even get me started on global warming-- I hope Al Gore is shamed and the polar bears just reclaimed some land), because people like Alexander Solzhenitsyn and his biographical characters need to be remembered. We men need to learn from them. We need to be tougher, live harder-- grit our teeth against the wind and fight on-- before the Communist Plots of the world swallow us up, and we live on only as the squeamish 21st Century humans we might just be turning into. Because the world isn't going to magically turn out for the better on its own.


Warmly and sincerely,

Aidan Lane

1 "http://traveltips.usatoday.com/climate-siberia-russia-63599.html"